I've been thinking on how to start this for over an hour now. Since my daughter was born 4 years ago so much has happened that I don't know where to begin. My marraige completely failed. I gave it my all but in the end he basically joined a religious cult. I tried to stick that out but I couldn't take it anymore.  The emotional abuse became too great for me to bare. Living became agonizingly painful. I wouldn't wish that kind of loneliness on my worst enemy.

Fast forward, I met the love of my life in may. He is kind and smart and wonderful. He gets me on a level no other person ever has. ♡ and he loves my kids as his own♡. I work 3 jobs. It's really hard but for the first time in my entire life I'm actually happy. At some point I will in detail go through the beginning and end of my marraige. And all the other wonderful little memories thathappened in between.  

Finally an update!

Its been 2 1/2 months since my little Ayla was born and already so much has happened. My life has changed so much. My son is absolutely IN LOVE with her.

He is such a great and wonderful big brother. He helps me with her and when she starts to cry he runs up to her tires to pick her up and says "I'm coming!" I get sleep some nights more than others, although it never seems to be enough. My husband got promoted so things are slightly easier as far as money goes...still tough though. I finally finished the chenille baby blanket i was making for my Ayla.

She loves it! Whenever I lay her on it she grabs at it and rubs her hand all over the squiggly texture of it , its adorable. My son even loves it, so I'm going to make him one...not with flowers though haha, I definitely have a fabric addiction. I can't decide what I want to use for his, I am making the whole family chenille blankets! Email me if your interested in one, we can work something out, I am going to make them and sell them for $150 because of all the work/hours put into it. Business aside,  I absolutely adore them.

. Lately I am managing to not loose my head. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a zoo...constantly picking up after my kids...kids being my husband and son lol. Speaking of the zoo! We went to one the other day, The Austin Zoo, its a rescue and its wonderful :) We had a blast there:

 My Ayla and her Blanket <3

            My sister and her husband and their kids came! It was so fun! And adorable as they all held each others hands. My heart melted

For the past two weeks I love my alone time. Which I am getting a tiny bit of since I recently joined a gym and I LOVE It. I love working out by myself. I thought I would need a workout partner to help keep me motivated...but having kids is surprisingly GREAT motivation! Hahaha I enjoy my hour and a half to myself. And once my baby is older or I get enough milk saved I will be able to go two and a half hours if I like. My hubby is very supportive :) which is really nice. Don't get me wrong I LOVE being with my kids but being a stay at home mom is not an easy thing. I get frustrated as most moms do. Working out is my outlet. I am in the process ( A very slow process) of making a nice birth video for Ayla and all who wish to see! I am drowning in the clutter of our very small 1 bedroom 1 bath apartment, my birth video is sorta on the back burner behind the boiling pot of clutter that my house has become. It is in fact, overflowing. I am responsible for keeping the house in order...and well, there seems to be no earthly way for me to do this by myself. every time the house is picked up, its destroyed once more by my lovely little Malachi. What is a Malachi you say? Well, he is my son of course! He is the most amazingly intelligent little boy I have ever known. I adore him, but wow, he sure can make messes...but then again, we all contribute to the giant sinkhole of clutter. I even got a book, "The Declutter workbook" I hope it helps...I need me some Niecy Nash from Clean house to come clean my house! HA, We will be moving in April, so I can manage till then...I just wish it would hurry up and get here.

Ayla 1 Month old 

 Its been a little over a month since I had her. She is so wonderful, sleeps most of the time...I am so exhausted though. I am about to workout with Gillian Michaels on fitness on demand. Don't judge, that woman means business! I am honestly slightly scared haha. Anyway, I need to blog more...this is my attempt at blogging more, sad, I know, but at least I am trying

My Birth Story

                               Ayla Elianna

                           Born 9 lbs 1oz 20 and 3/4 inches long November 3rd, 2011 at 8:33 pm

I don't know where to start really so I'll just dive right in!

I have been meaning to write my birth story for several days now but our computer went down...Viruses, everything is dandy now :)

Anyway, This is the story of how My little Ayla was born.

 
The day started out as usual but felt different to me somehow, the night before we had been at my husband's grandmothers house and I kept telling him I felt funny but I didn't know how to explain it. I had been taking Motherstar (herbal labor supplement) for a week and two days three times a day trying to get the labor started, The day she was born I was 40 weeks and 2 days pregnant...and absolutely miserable! If any of you saw my photos then you would see why. All I heard everyday is WOW is it twins? Your HUGE! I had to fight the urge several times to say REALLY??  SO ARE YOUUU!

Anyway, back to the birth. At exactly 11:50 Am I had my first contraction. I was sewing a baby blanket for my little Ayla and had my phone right next to me as I was texting my friend who just had her baby yesterday actually, she got the play by play throughout the day. The contractions continued and were 5 to seven minutes apart, My husband was at work and called to see if I was in labor yet, I kept saying I was pretty sure because They were five minutes apart and haven't stopped, he made me contact my midwives and let them know whats going on, I didn't want to bug them if it wasn't the real thing...but lo...I gave in and my midwife Jessica called and asked what I was feeling at this point it was an hour into it, she said to look for any mucous or any changes, like pain haha...so I continued sewing and then I started cleaning like a psycho! Couldn't stop. I called my husband and had him come get our son who is 18 months old and take him to his grandma's house, that way if/when I needed him to be there during the labor he wasn't taking our son to his grandma's, I hope that makes sense.  He was in such a rush when he left the house that he forgot to bring anything for our son Malachi! His grandma called me and told me Adrian didn't leave the car seat or clothes...so I waited until he got home and told him that I would go with him to bring the clothes and such, at this point the contractions were much stronger, I had to stop and breathe through them which I had been doing since the first few... I remember telling my husband and my mother that I liked the way they felt because every time I had one I felt like I could be closer to having Ayla. I still did not want to get my hopes up because I have done soooo much research on birth and I knew that Labor can start and stop for no reason at all sometimes and also...you never know how long it could last...So we drove back to Kyle and once we got there everyone at the house was surprised to find me traveling haha, I loved their reactions when I got out of the car. We stayed and chatted for a little, maybe thirty minutes, then we left and went to Craigo's which is one of my FAVORITE places to eat...I told my husband I wanted one of their salads but I ended up getting a salad and a baked spinach ziti :) delicious. We got our food to go, while we were there I had two really intense contractions, mind you, I was texting friends throughout the day. I just moaned and breathed through them, no one in there even notice!

We got home and I scarfed my food because the contractions at this point were growing stronger and were 3-5 minutes apart. I got into the bathtub, which sped things up a lot. I labored in the tub the whole time. The contractions were really starting to hurt so I texted Jessica, my midwife, and told her, she asked if I was ready for her to come over and I said YES. My best friend Brianna showed up and shortly after so did Jessica. I was moaning through them but between the contractions we were all laughing and joking around, I had told Brianna I thought I might be in transition because I kept feeling nauseated so they brought me a bucket but then I got diarrhea and then back into the tub. Jessica asked if she could check me, I said SURE, I was only expecting to be around five centimeters dilated but then she said I was eight+! I was like WHAAAAAT! NO WAY! She said she could feel the bag of waters bulging above her head.

We lit candles and My husband asked if I wanted any music, I said BOB MARLEY. So he made a playlist and After about an hour and forty five mins I decided I needed to get out of the tub because the contractions were so intense and I could NOT get comfortable whatsoever (At this point in labor there is no getting comfortable) I said I was afraid to get out because every time I stand up I have a really intense contraction and Jessica assured me I would...haha I was like great...sounds wonderful. But I was never once scared or afraid of it. The moment I got out I felt something warm down there, I was drying myself with a towel and wiped and there was some mucous on it with a little blood, then I had to pee and my mucous plug came out! Brianna and I were Joking around and laughing our butts off, she took pictures of it and I poked it..then immediately washed my hands :). (Here's where it gets good since I know I am boring you guys with all the details)

I started having the most intense contraction yet, My husband was holding my hand and I started squatting in the doorway and just felt this intense urge to push, my midwife immediately shoved this blue paper thing under me and my water broke on it right after, Brianna jumped back and let out a little AH! I started laughing but then an even MORE intense contraction started and I felt Ayla's head come down... I STARTED SCREAMING. Bloody murder. I couldn't even control it. It was SO intense, That is the only word I can think of that perfectly describes what I was feeling from that point on. Jessica was like, okay now put your butt up right here and slapped her hands on the edge of the bed, I was like YOU WANT ME TO GET ONTO THE BED! HA! she said "yes I do" and I said I don't think I can do that right now, she said I could do it! She was so positive and encouraging I love my midwives so much. So Somehow I managed to climb onto the bed but I couldn't get onto my back, with how far out my stomach was it was the best way to deliver little (or should I say, Big, Ayla)My second midwife Laurie showed up just in time to hear me screaming like I was being murdered. They helped me onto my back all the while screaming with every contraction. I couldn't hold it in. I was like an animal...my husband FREAKED out. I pushed for sixteen minutes and the whole time I was pushing I had my hand on her head rubbing it, at first I couldn't tell what was me and what was her with all the hair down there, then my midwife asked If I could feel her head and said I was touching it! I screamed and pushed uncontrollably I am surprised no one called the police...Ayla was born nine lbs and once ounce! I pulled her out at the end, And as she came into the world The last song on my playlist was playing and ended right as she was born, It was "Is this Love" By Mr. Bob Marley. 

It was the most amazing empowering experience of my 22 year old life. I watched the video footage taken several times since then and I notice something new each time. My husband, after Ayla was Born left the room immediately. I didn't notice with everything going on but he was gone for several minutes. After everyone left he came and told me two days ago (before she was born) he had a dream that Ayla was born and he wept uncontrollably. He told me after she was born he left the room, went into the kitchen and wept uncontrollably. I think its the sweetest thing I have ever heard him say or do. My husband was totally freaked out by me screaming but I couldn't control it, it just happened and it was something I at first felt guilty about, I felt like I failed somehow, I have seen all these videos of women birthing in silence and the only thing I can think of to say about that is WTF. I could not imagine having a natural birth in the hospital, my first was in the hospital and was everything I didn't want. I was induced because I had PUPP, an insanely itchy pregnancy rash, I tried to wait it out as long as I could but I couldn't take the itching anymore, I had done a lot of research on natural birth but I didn't do ANY on Pitocin...and they didn't tell me it would make the contractions unbearably strong and close together. I ended up getting the epidural and I tore and then she cut me because his shoulder was stuck...awesome sauce let me tell you. I knew she was about to cut me as she grabbed the scalpel thing and I asked her if it would hurt she said no and then every nurse in the room JUMPED onto my stomach (four nurses) and started pushing downward very hard. It did hurt. I felt lied to and betrayed. And if that wasn't enough, when I was about to push she shoved her hands inside me, WITHOUT ASKING, and told me I had to try and push them out, after two times of that she removed her hands and told me to do it on my own...I couldn't feel anything after she removed her hands so she put them back inside. This was devastating, we had a birth plan. The whole experience was very traumatic for me so with Ayla I wanted everything to be different, the way it should have been. Ayla was born and needed four breaths but came quickly to life and was so alert! My son was taken from me and I didn't get him back for an hour and a half, with him I had the WORST experience with breastfeeding. But Ayla Latched right away. This birth was everything I needed it to be and more. I want to go back and relive it over and over again. I can't believe I did it. I feel amazing and every time I think about it I can't stop smiling.

    This was at 39 weeks, I had her at 40 weeks and 2 days

I spoke with my midwives recently and we discussed the birth and I wanted to talk about some of what they said about my birth. They thought it was amazing that after Jessica checked me and told me I was 8 cm dilated, she called Laurie my other midwife and told her how far along I was and Laurie asked how I was doing and Jessica said I was doing great, that I was joking around and laughing, Laurie was like, Are you sure she's eight cm's??? They said I made birth look effortless. I know I am bragging right now but It felt really great to hear that. I am really proud of myself for my achievement. Birthing a human out of your Vagina without any pain medicine is amazing and for the first time in my life I felt truly alive. I could FEEL EVERYTHING. And yes it hurt, but sometimes I feel like a zombie going through the motions. That experience really put me in the moment. Anytime I feel dull or zombie-like, I will just remember the birth and alive again I shall be!


Everything about Ayla's birth has changed me. Who I am, who I want to be. I am a new woman :) 


stronger than I ever thought I could be. Now I can do anything.

New blog

So When I started this blog I originally decided to post things I made and try to sell them...that was a no go, I don't get on enough and no one buys anything... yet :). That aside, I am right now at this very moment 37 weeks and 3 days pregnant with a Baby girl we are naming Ayla. I decided to make this blog about my life, my birth will of course be included in that with photos and video! I am a firm believer in Home birth and midwives and natural remedies, I believe God gave us Nature and with nature came everything we need to survive and prosper and heal sickness! I love God with all that I am and I love that He loves me :). I am twenty two and have a son Named Malachi Rei and A wonderful Husband Named Adrian. He stands by me in my decisions on health and nutrition and sewing and being a Stay at home mommy. I love our family and wouldn't change a thing. Now all that aside, I am probably going to be using this blog for a birthing info blog. Birth is like my OBSESSION. I can't control it, I just love reading about it and other women's experiences, and even more than all that, I love informing women on birth. I may even become a childbirth educator, Maybe, I really want to be a Naturopath and lactation consultant. I have said too much, but next blog will be my birth story! Love you all and God bless!

Finally posting photos

So I realize I haven't actually posted anything yet, Up until yesterday I have been super lazy and for some reason (I am nesting) the past two days I have had insane amounts of energy! I can't stop crafting and getting the house organized and clean. I am so excited to welcome my new baby girl into the world :) All in the comfort of our own home. Depending on the quality of the photos from the birth, I will be posting them. I don't personally know anyone who has had a home birth but I am excited, my family and I are excited. My son has been saying new words lately and its so stinking cute I just had to brag :) anyway, Here are some things I have made recently...

I also realize that my blog is completely unorganized and scattered...and almost empty, I hope to add more photos soon and in more of an order, I just thought I would post some things while I had time, Were currently redecorating our house and I am so excited to finish up the projects I started and start on new ones :) God bless yahh

First Post in my new blog!

My friends keep telling me to make a blog so here it is. Don't know how much I will be using it as I am now about 8 months pregnant!  I try to sew as much as I can during the day so I will post photos as I have time. I am excited to finally do this.